Ok, so this one was unconventional in that I found him on Facebook. He was a new fan on our minor league baseball team's page & I thought he was attractive. Looked at his pictures (he doesn't have his privacy settings set too stringent) & never saw a woman or a wedding band, so I sent him an e-mail. Now, my privacy settings are all set to "friends only" so I knew that other than my name & pix, he couldn't see anything about me. So, I just commented that I thought he was attractive & it was nice to see that he liked our team too, then said if he was single maybe we could meet at a game sometime. Kept it very casual.
Get a flirty e-mail back, "why do we have to wait for opening day?" I laughed. So we e-mailed for a bit, then exchanged #'s. So....turns out that he "moved in with his mom because she's getting older & needs some help". Commendable, right? Well.....
A conversation or two later, it's revealed that his mom travels a lot. Ummm....."she's getting older & needs some help"????? Doesn't sound like it. RED FLAG!
Then later in the conversation we got to talking about our divorces....ya know...."how long have you been divorced, etc." Well...... "I'm not actually divorced yet. There's been issues that have kept that from happening." Ok, so NOT divorced & lives with mommy at 48???? Can anyone say "issues"?
Remember that song "Time for Me to Fly" by REO Speedwagon? My theme song here at this point. I got off that call pretty quickly. Emailed him the 2 days later that I did not feel comfortable communicating with him since he really wasn't single. He said "I'm really sorry you feel that way, but I respect your wishes."
Yikes! Next story to follow soon, I'm sure!
Romans 8:24 ~ But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
#2 - Ummmm.....really?
Ok, so I have this other experience. We'll call him "Rich". Now Rich, he's one that took some work to try to even get to know. He's SOOOO busy. Starts off communicating wonderfully. Well....sorta. I simply e-mailed him to tell him I thought he had a wonderful smile, even though he was looking for someone younger than me & shorter than me (he's 3" shorter than I am). I never figured in a million years he'd want to meet. No offense, but I've yet to encounter a man who even remotely wants to get to know someone taller than him. Well, Rich was THRILLED with the idea & went on & on about how "sexy" the idea was. First clue as to how he was going to be. "Sexy"....seriously? Ok, so give the benefit of the doubt.
So, one evening I'm talking with him & he clearly demonstrated behavior I didn't particularly care for. #1 - he was irritated that I was cooking dinner while talking & when I said, "I can multitask", he actually had the nerve to say "no you can't" & then even went so far as to tell me that I don't listen well then & couldn't even tell him correctly what he said in a previous conversation." Ok, so after I picked my mouth up off the floor & checked my "who the heck do you think you are" attitiude, I told him, pretty much verbatim, what he had previously said. So, take that & shut up already! Then I asked him "how is it that you think that you have time to try to get to know anyone, much less form a relationship, with the hours you work & how unapproachable you are to having conversations?" (basically you can only talk to him when it's good for him....."reads: while he's driving home") So he says, "Look! I'll tell you like I told my ex-wife, if you can't deal with the hours that I work & all the money I provide for you so you can have nice things and take the vacations you want, then you're not the girl for me." So, when he got finished with that tirade, I calmly asked, "so when are you going to answer the question & not tell me what you told your ex-wife, but what you'd do now?" That irritated him. (Made me laugh!) So, he rephrased it to basically say the same thing in the present tense, instead of past tense. Ok....I already know you're not the man for me so it doesn't even matter if you think I'm the girl for you.
So, we originally had planned to meet on Friday, March 11 at a sports bar for a drink & get to know each other better. I didn't hear from him for several days prior to that, even after I'd left a message & a text. So, I figured "ok, he must not be interested anymore. No big deal." Then at 3:30p that day I get a text "are we still on?" LOL! I wasn't going to go since I hadn't heard from him for days & quite frankly, b/c he seemed like a jerk, but I thought "what the heck. I'm in the mood for a cocktail & a little time outta the house. Why not." Again, decided to give him the benefit of the doubt....maybe he's just not a phone person, and his ex-wife's daughters always want to spend their time off from college with him, and not their own mother so maybe he's worth trying to get to know.
WRONG!
Granted, he was VERY good looking, and had a killer smile, but man....what a jerk! Even worse than on the phone! Immediately upon sitting down at the table, he starts texting someone (hmmm....work perhaps!?! LOL!) Then he just HAD to watch a certain basketball game on a certain screen in the bar & kept after the waitress until the manager got it on the screen he wanted. I was like, "Seriously? Why don't you just switch seats?" Hello???? Now from my seat I'm watching the devastation that happened with the tsunami in Japan that day & commented on that. He gives it a cursory glance & then comments on what a great shot that was that some player just made. Good grief, have you no compassion, man?! When he asked me, "So, tell me about yourself, other than you lose your temper easily." REALLY, you want to start out a conversation like that? I just laughed & said, "No I don't!" to which he replied, "Uh, yeah....you do!" WHERE'S THAT DANG BEER ALREADY WAITRESS!!!!! Then I could tell he wasn't paying a bit of attention to me, so in the middle of my sentence I said, "so I just put on a red wig, clown nose & big shoes & went out for the night." Surprised me, he caught it! (I'll admit when I'm busted!)
Well, we stayed long enough for 2 beers & an appetizer & the conversation really was going nowhere. Oh wait, he did compliment my purse. I jokingly said, "You'll never guess how much it cost." & he replied, "$100?" Why wasn't I surprised? When I said no, he kept guessing higher & higher. I'm like, "Um no, try $5!" Yeah! We are as different as night & day, folks. I don't think I'd spend $100 on a purse if my life depended on it & it seems to be his norm....thus, why I call him "Rich".
Well, Richie boy tried everything in the book to get me to go home with him: "We'll just watch a movie", "we'll just hang out", etc., etc. He did NOT like that I said "No. I don't know you at all to go somewhere alone with you." His profile said he was looking for a relationship & not just one night stands. Uh-huh! Maybe you can find that sweet thing & fool her, but not me.
Lord, I always pray that you'll reveal the true essence of someone's character to me up front. Thank you for putting in me the heart to give people the benefit of the doubt, but then for giving me the smarts to see past the REALLY good looks to the person's heart....and see what isn't there....and showing me the value of a person. Sure saves a lot of heartache & disappointment if I actually LISTEN!
Oh...and Rich.....haven't heard a word from him since that nite. SHOCKER! LOL!!! The trevails of "dating" in the Internet age!
So, one evening I'm talking with him & he clearly demonstrated behavior I didn't particularly care for. #1 - he was irritated that I was cooking dinner while talking & when I said, "I can multitask", he actually had the nerve to say "no you can't" & then even went so far as to tell me that I don't listen well then & couldn't even tell him correctly what he said in a previous conversation." Ok, so after I picked my mouth up off the floor & checked my "who the heck do you think you are" attitiude, I told him, pretty much verbatim, what he had previously said. So, take that & shut up already! Then I asked him "how is it that you think that you have time to try to get to know anyone, much less form a relationship, with the hours you work & how unapproachable you are to having conversations?" (basically you can only talk to him when it's good for him....."reads: while he's driving home") So he says, "Look! I'll tell you like I told my ex-wife, if you can't deal with the hours that I work & all the money I provide for you so you can have nice things and take the vacations you want, then you're not the girl for me." So, when he got finished with that tirade, I calmly asked, "so when are you going to answer the question & not tell me what you told your ex-wife, but what you'd do now?" That irritated him. (Made me laugh!) So, he rephrased it to basically say the same thing in the present tense, instead of past tense. Ok....I already know you're not the man for me so it doesn't even matter if you think I'm the girl for you.
So, we originally had planned to meet on Friday, March 11 at a sports bar for a drink & get to know each other better. I didn't hear from him for several days prior to that, even after I'd left a message & a text. So, I figured "ok, he must not be interested anymore. No big deal." Then at 3:30p that day I get a text "are we still on?" LOL! I wasn't going to go since I hadn't heard from him for days & quite frankly, b/c he seemed like a jerk, but I thought "what the heck. I'm in the mood for a cocktail & a little time outta the house. Why not." Again, decided to give him the benefit of the doubt....maybe he's just not a phone person, and his ex-wife's daughters always want to spend their time off from college with him, and not their own mother so maybe he's worth trying to get to know.
WRONG!
Granted, he was VERY good looking, and had a killer smile, but man....what a jerk! Even worse than on the phone! Immediately upon sitting down at the table, he starts texting someone (hmmm....work perhaps!?! LOL!) Then he just HAD to watch a certain basketball game on a certain screen in the bar & kept after the waitress until the manager got it on the screen he wanted. I was like, "Seriously? Why don't you just switch seats?" Hello???? Now from my seat I'm watching the devastation that happened with the tsunami in Japan that day & commented on that. He gives it a cursory glance & then comments on what a great shot that was that some player just made. Good grief, have you no compassion, man?! When he asked me, "So, tell me about yourself, other than you lose your temper easily." REALLY, you want to start out a conversation like that? I just laughed & said, "No I don't!" to which he replied, "Uh, yeah....you do!" WHERE'S THAT DANG BEER ALREADY WAITRESS!!!!! Then I could tell he wasn't paying a bit of attention to me, so in the middle of my sentence I said, "so I just put on a red wig, clown nose & big shoes & went out for the night." Surprised me, he caught it! (I'll admit when I'm busted!)
Well, we stayed long enough for 2 beers & an appetizer & the conversation really was going nowhere. Oh wait, he did compliment my purse. I jokingly said, "You'll never guess how much it cost." & he replied, "$100?" Why wasn't I surprised? When I said no, he kept guessing higher & higher. I'm like, "Um no, try $5!" Yeah! We are as different as night & day, folks. I don't think I'd spend $100 on a purse if my life depended on it & it seems to be his norm....thus, why I call him "Rich".
Well, Richie boy tried everything in the book to get me to go home with him: "We'll just watch a movie", "we'll just hang out", etc., etc. He did NOT like that I said "No. I don't know you at all to go somewhere alone with you." His profile said he was looking for a relationship & not just one night stands. Uh-huh! Maybe you can find that sweet thing & fool her, but not me.
Lord, I always pray that you'll reveal the true essence of someone's character to me up front. Thank you for putting in me the heart to give people the benefit of the doubt, but then for giving me the smarts to see past the REALLY good looks to the person's heart....and see what isn't there....and showing me the value of a person. Sure saves a lot of heartache & disappointment if I actually LISTEN!
Oh...and Rich.....haven't heard a word from him since that nite. SHOCKER! LOL!!! The trevails of "dating" in the Internet age!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
(#1) We'll call him...Fitch
Ok, I have to admit, I met one guy from a free dating website before joining Match. We got along great on the phone. Fellow Christian. Nice guy. Polite. Didn't cuss. Didn't use the Lord's name in vain. Respectful (that's #1 in my book, period!). We had the big "meet". Although I don't do coffee shops anymore, it's too "done", if you know what I mean, we did meet at a great one that I love. Then we went to a sports bar to watch a football game. It was a fun time. But, there was no attraction. That's ok.
Here comes the fun part!
He proceeds to call me later that night in a bit of snit wanting to know if I'm one of those who expects him to pay, eats, and runs, with never a word. Ok, so defenses up majorly at this point. I said, "No! I offered to pay my half, remember?!" So then he backs down.
Then 2 days later he proceeds to tell me that I'm not his type because I enjoyed watching the game, and he didn't. Yeah, ok, fine. Seriously? Then the real clincher came. "I really can't see me with you because you don't like to wear stalkings and dresses."
Ummm.....WHAT!?! I'm serious as can be folks!
No worries. The attraction just wasn't there for me either. So, we decided to stay in touch as friends. Carrying on a conversation with him was challenging, at best, by now simply because he's like a ping-pong ball all over the place.
So, he meets someone else & they start dating. And, of course, now being only his friend, he tells me all about it. No problem.
The big issue came a few weeks later when another game was on. He texted me throughout the game (I had my kids that w/e). He went from "I don't even care about the game." "I don't care who wins." "Who's even playing?" to "I'm at Ruby Tuesdays watching the game." and proceeded to cheer for the other team, quite voraciously. I started getting tons of texts at that point about the other team's greatness. I said, "I take it that (this new woman he was dating) is cheering for the other team?" Answer: "Yes. But that's not why I'm cheering for them." Uh-huh! That's EXACTLY why, my friends. Just like he'd done cheering for my team when we went out. No biggie. I didn't care. Really, seriously, I didn't. I told him, "My whole family & most all my friends are cheering for the other team." It's NO BIG DEAL. Heck, my brother was even texting me & giving me grief. I can take it.
So then Fitch goes so far as to say....get this, are you ready??? "I've been telling you for weeks that I didn't want your team to win." Ummmm....no you didn't....NEVER....not once!!! Then, "I've been wanting the other team {that would be my team, here, folks} to be humbled." And then(!), "I've been praying your team would lose!" Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! At this point I lost it laughing. Ok, so in the course of 3 hours he went from "who's playing, I don't care about the game" to "I've been praying your team would lose so they can be humbled" oh yeah, and all this after he'd been (in his mind, at least) telling me he wanted my team to lose for weeks.
So, I didn't communicate with him for a couple of days simply because he'd fried my brain at that point. He just couldn't believe I would stop being friends over a football game.
I finally got in touch with him to tell him that I just can't be around someone who can't make a decision & stand by it. He's like a dang fish out of water floppin' around on the dock gasping for air. Not me. Be decisive. Don't change your story every so often to fit the moment. How is anything out of your mouth something I can believe is real and not in the moment? Truth is, I can't.
Ok, there's the first one. More to follow!
Here comes the fun part!
He proceeds to call me later that night in a bit of snit wanting to know if I'm one of those who expects him to pay, eats, and runs, with never a word. Ok, so defenses up majorly at this point. I said, "No! I offered to pay my half, remember?!" So then he backs down.
Then 2 days later he proceeds to tell me that I'm not his type because I enjoyed watching the game, and he didn't. Yeah, ok, fine. Seriously? Then the real clincher came. "I really can't see me with you because you don't like to wear stalkings and dresses."
Ummm.....WHAT!?! I'm serious as can be folks!
No worries. The attraction just wasn't there for me either. So, we decided to stay in touch as friends. Carrying on a conversation with him was challenging, at best, by now simply because he's like a ping-pong ball all over the place.
So, he meets someone else & they start dating. And, of course, now being only his friend, he tells me all about it. No problem.
The big issue came a few weeks later when another game was on. He texted me throughout the game (I had my kids that w/e). He went from "I don't even care about the game." "I don't care who wins." "Who's even playing?" to "I'm at Ruby Tuesdays watching the game." and proceeded to cheer for the other team, quite voraciously. I started getting tons of texts at that point about the other team's greatness. I said, "I take it that (this new woman he was dating) is cheering for the other team?" Answer: "Yes. But that's not why I'm cheering for them." Uh-huh! That's EXACTLY why, my friends. Just like he'd done cheering for my team when we went out. No biggie. I didn't care. Really, seriously, I didn't. I told him, "My whole family & most all my friends are cheering for the other team." It's NO BIG DEAL. Heck, my brother was even texting me & giving me grief. I can take it.
So then Fitch goes so far as to say....get this, are you ready??? "I've been telling you for weeks that I didn't want your team to win." Ummmm....no you didn't....NEVER....not once!!! Then, "I've been wanting the other team {that would be my team, here, folks} to be humbled." And then(!), "I've been praying your team would lose!" Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! At this point I lost it laughing. Ok, so in the course of 3 hours he went from "who's playing, I don't care about the game" to "I've been praying your team would lose so they can be humbled" oh yeah, and all this after he'd been (in his mind, at least) telling me he wanted my team to lose for weeks.
So, I didn't communicate with him for a couple of days simply because he'd fried my brain at that point. He just couldn't believe I would stop being friends over a football game.
I finally got in touch with him to tell him that I just can't be around someone who can't make a decision & stand by it. He's like a dang fish out of water floppin' around on the dock gasping for air. Not me. Be decisive. Don't change your story every so often to fit the moment. How is anything out of your mouth something I can believe is real and not in the moment? Truth is, I can't.
Ok, there's the first one. More to follow!
Prelude...
Let me start by saying that I am NOT here to man-bash at all. And I'm not remotely going to claim that I don't make mistakes. I do!
My purpose in this blog is to chronicle the experiences I have with Internet dating. And let me add that the reason I do Internet dating is simply because for all intents & purposes, I work alone, or with one other person. The churches I've attended do not have singles. There are no singles groups in my area, other than for the much younger crowd...and the senior crowd. No, there's no single dad's in Scouts. Haven't met one yet through sports. Don't have any friends who have single friends. ........
Are ya getting the gist here? Unless God plans to drop one out of the sky (and I'm not saying He can't or won't), I'm finding it hard to meet men. Heck, I'd like to get in touch with other single ladies just to have friends to do stuff with! So....unless I plan to spend all my time alone (when not with my kids), I have to do something, right? There's only so much stuff around the house & so much Netflix I can do before I need interaction with others. Know what I mean?
History: I took 14 mos. off of dating after having a bad experience (admittedly my own fault...should have listened to the 'ol gut!). And God has given me tremendous clarity, character strength, and integrity in that waiting period. And He's blessed me tremendously in that time too!
Ok, so....fast forward. I decided to join match.com with a whole different perspective. Instead of doing it from the perspective of trying to find a relationship, I'm doing it from the perspective of just having something to do - communicate with men, perhaps go out from time to time, and see just how much I've learned/grown in the past 14 mos. I figure it's an "entertainment expense". So, I spent $120 for 6 months membership. That's the special version that gets you all the bells & whistles. Now the caveat with them is you can't hide your profile, (something else, which escapes me right now), and you have to send at least 5 e-mails out a month. Yeah, ok....I can do that. Now they are SOOOOO sure of their abilities to match you up with "someone special" that they guarantee if you haven't met that person within this 6 months, and you've done the things they want you to do, they will give you another 6 mos. for free. Ok, what the heck!
Now, the interesting stuff has begun. And it's been entertaining to say the least. But, it felt such a waste to keep it all to myself. Hence, the birth of this blog. Hey, why keep all this fun in the shark (err, umm....I mean "dating") pool to myself or a few select friends/family? Why not share it with the world?
So, this is what ya get, folks. I will not fabricate any of it. I have to answer to God for speaking the truth here. Of course, you may say, "Yeah, but why not create some fictional stories?" I may in time via another means. But for the purposes of this blog, I will tell only what REALLY happens. Fair enough?
And let me add, for the record, that no one ever gets to meet my kids unless it is a solid relationship. I'm not about to parade men into their lives only to have them leave just as quickly. It's one thing for someone to walk out of my life. I can handle the hurt. But there is no way I'm ever going to expose my children to that. Of course, I realize there's no guarantee that any relationship will work (my divorces speak volumes to that fact!), but I plan to minimize any impact on my kids.
Let the games begin!
My purpose in this blog is to chronicle the experiences I have with Internet dating. And let me add that the reason I do Internet dating is simply because for all intents & purposes, I work alone, or with one other person. The churches I've attended do not have singles. There are no singles groups in my area, other than for the much younger crowd...and the senior crowd. No, there's no single dad's in Scouts. Haven't met one yet through sports. Don't have any friends who have single friends. ........
Are ya getting the gist here? Unless God plans to drop one out of the sky (and I'm not saying He can't or won't), I'm finding it hard to meet men. Heck, I'd like to get in touch with other single ladies just to have friends to do stuff with! So....unless I plan to spend all my time alone (when not with my kids), I have to do something, right? There's only so much stuff around the house & so much Netflix I can do before I need interaction with others. Know what I mean?
History: I took 14 mos. off of dating after having a bad experience (admittedly my own fault...should have listened to the 'ol gut!). And God has given me tremendous clarity, character strength, and integrity in that waiting period. And He's blessed me tremendously in that time too!
Ok, so....fast forward. I decided to join match.com with a whole different perspective. Instead of doing it from the perspective of trying to find a relationship, I'm doing it from the perspective of just having something to do - communicate with men, perhaps go out from time to time, and see just how much I've learned/grown in the past 14 mos. I figure it's an "entertainment expense". So, I spent $120 for 6 months membership. That's the special version that gets you all the bells & whistles. Now the caveat with them is you can't hide your profile, (something else, which escapes me right now), and you have to send at least 5 e-mails out a month. Yeah, ok....I can do that. Now they are SOOOOO sure of their abilities to match you up with "someone special" that they guarantee if you haven't met that person within this 6 months, and you've done the things they want you to do, they will give you another 6 mos. for free. Ok, what the heck!
Now, the interesting stuff has begun. And it's been entertaining to say the least. But, it felt such a waste to keep it all to myself. Hence, the birth of this blog. Hey, why keep all this fun in the shark (err, umm....I mean "dating") pool to myself or a few select friends/family? Why not share it with the world?
So, this is what ya get, folks. I will not fabricate any of it. I have to answer to God for speaking the truth here. Of course, you may say, "Yeah, but why not create some fictional stories?" I may in time via another means. But for the purposes of this blog, I will tell only what REALLY happens. Fair enough?
And let me add, for the record, that no one ever gets to meet my kids unless it is a solid relationship. I'm not about to parade men into their lives only to have them leave just as quickly. It's one thing for someone to walk out of my life. I can handle the hurt. But there is no way I'm ever going to expose my children to that. Of course, I realize there's no guarantee that any relationship will work (my divorces speak volumes to that fact!), but I plan to minimize any impact on my kids.
Let the games begin!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Just gettin' started
Ok peeps, just getting started on the trials & tribulations of attempting Godly dating in the sin-soaked world. Stay tuned for some really amusing (and sadly, disappointing) stuff!
I went through several years of Internet dating to discover what a sad, sad world we live in. People treat others as totally disposable. "Next!" they cry. It's ridiculous!
More to follow.
I went through several years of Internet dating to discover what a sad, sad world we live in. People treat others as totally disposable. "Next!" they cry. It's ridiculous!
More to follow.
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